PERCEPTION is about becoming aware of the world around us through the senses. We experience life as we see, hear, smell, feel, and touch, and we interpret and integrate it one way or another. It can happen that people disagree on past events as they remember their own perceptions and interpretations (and everybody thinks that they’re right, of course). In response to childhood trauma, perception can get distorted.
INTEROCEPTION is similar, but it's about the inside of the body (at least the others cannot disagree). We become aware of internal states signaling the need to breathe, drink, eat, have sex, express emotions etc. This happens normally as we try to find comfort by seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. Comfort is pro survival unless you’re an addict, in which case your brain is hijacked and tells you that being high matters more than anything. Discomfort and pain is the internal alarm system alerting you that something is to be done unless you’re an addict in which case you‘ll think that discomfort means you must do more drugs. In response to childhood trauma, interoception can become interrupted when people dissociate or "space out."
The addict is typically not too keen on breathing deeply (without a cigarette), drinking a lot of water, eating wholesome foods, or getting enough sleep. S/he may be a survivor of childhood abuse, having learned to dissociate, unsure of what s/he is actually feeling inside or what to do about it. S/he may drink or eat or drug him/herself into a coma. S/he may cause his/her organs to shut down from dehydration. Without good self-care the addict gets used to responding to any and all discomfort by seeking to numb out and self-soothe with his/her drug of choice without actually attending to physical needs. There may be serious consequences from lack of oxygen, water, and nutrition as s/he drinks alcohol for thirst, smokes cigarettes for hunger, seeks sex for insomnia or acts out in other ways that weaken and deplete him/her as the survival mechanism is misled, and so s/he withers (while also losing a tooth or two). Eventually, s/he becomes oblivious of internal states, clueless about perception and interoception, numbed out, passed out, blacked out, unaware, unwittingly sliding into deadly dangers, wanting to “take the edge off.”
And then there is also ALEXITHYMIA, the inability to identify or describe one's own emotions. The person may say, "I'm fine" while secretly dying inside or even considering suicide. S/he may feel depressed and act out in anger, hurting the person s/he loves most. S/he may feel insecure in social situations, unable to read faces and correctly understand the reactions of others. S/he may be unable to differentiate his/her own insecurity from actual reasons for fear, feeling uncomfortable, and confused, wanting to isolate and act out in self-sabotaging ways (with or without drugs) and not even know, why.
If you have survived or witnessed adversity early on, possibly along with insufficient guidance or attention to your needs, you would have been distracted or overwhelmed by discomfort and you might not have developed a solid sense of self. And so you may never really be sure what's going on inside, forever unsure and unpredictable, even to yourself.
In recovery you can find out what’s really going on with you. It could be fascinating to get to know yourself and give yourself permission to live your truth. Expressing emotions rather than suppressing or self-medicating them can be hugely relieving - it is a gradual process of becoming whole and discovering self-love. Check it out! It's worth the effort.
Jasmin Rogg at voiceofrecvoery.blogspot.com