The alcoholic feels different - grandiose and fearful, separate and broken, lonely and unloved, arrogant and prideful. She is bound to end up in a state of “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization” (eventually). Hers is a chronic, progressive, and fatal illness, which “probably only a spiritual awakening can cure”. She won’t admit any of it - unless she is ready. Until then she lies to get you to back off. And so… she’d have to find some kind of power beyond herself (aka Higher Power) to counteract resistance and defiance. Without such an agent of change she won’t know how to disable her defensive hostility, which keeps her in misery. If she can get there… and complete the first step, she will finally understand that a drink (drug or person) is not going to solve the problem. Ever. Using substances is based on the idea that an escape from suffering is to be had, control can be gained, and happiness will be acquired. It’s an error. She is (mostly) powerless. While it may allow for a brief moment of relief, it does so at the cost of ever increasing suffering thereafter. What she needs is an enema for unfinished business, where she lets go of shame and blame, and also the need to enforce outcomes. Substances can never do that. It’s on her. It’s part of the human condition. Alcoholics Anonymous, 1st Step: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."